I was recently watching ‘Becoming’ a documentary about Michelle Obama and was very pleased to hear her endorsement of couples therapy. She was telling Oprah how she thought she would march her husband in to Couples counselling and ask ‘Dr X’ to ‘fix him’. What Michelle discovered instead was that they had to work on their issues together and figure out a way in which her husband and her could find a way to communicate their needs in a healthy way and accept some responsibility for what they were bringing to the table.

According to research, prevention through Couples therapy is 3x more effective than intervention. The Gottman Institute also found that on a average a couple waited 6 years to get help. In my experience by this time it can be too late to turn things around.

Below are some of the myths about couple counselling and therapy and the reality of what it’s really about.

‘Is it ‘normal’ to have these many arguments or issues’. My response is every single committed relationship brings up its own set of challenges, for we are all different. So conflict is part and parcel of every couple relationship.

‘Couples therapy is only for couples who have big problems’. In fact ALL couples can benefit from getting an MOT for their relationship. People go to piano lessons, driving lessons, swimming lessons, but feel they don’t need lessons of building a strong relationship. In fact being able to ask for help when we are struggling is a very important life skill.

‘Going to therapy shows I am weak’. Being able to talk about our feelings and communicate effectively is a sign of courage. It shows that you value yourself and want to invest in your relationship and make positive changes in life.

”Being in therapy means I have to talk about my childhood’. Although previous experiences do help in understanding where a certain behaviour comes from, the main focus is to use skills learnt in therapy to make positive progress towards a happier life in future.

‘My/our problems are not serious enough to ask for help’. Counselling can support you through any struggle that you may be experiencing on your own, by offering you a safe space in which to think about your challenges from a neutral and non-judgmental perspective.

‘I don’t need therapy I can just talk to family/friends’. Therapy is nothing like talking to a friend or family member who are not professionally trained. A therapist will offer their impartial response to what clients share, where clients can talk without feeling like they are burdening the therapist or worry about whether they would be judged or be concerned with a break in confidentiality.

‘Therapy is not worth spending the money’. Investing your time and money in the well being of your relationship is a worthwhile investment, one that you can continue to reap benefits from. It also makes you think about what your priorities are.

‘Once I start therapy it will never end’. The length of your work with a therapist can vary depending on what you would like to focus on and there is no obligation to stay beyond what you feel is appropriate.

‘Therapy is just talking, a pseudoscience without any evidence that it works’. Professionally trained counsellors go through years of rigorous training and continue to acquire skills and knowledge based on research. Therapists hold membership of professional bodies with their ethical codes and regulations that require regular supervision and continued professional development.

‘How can a counsellor/therapist understand how I feel, when they haven’t gone through what I have’? A therapist does not need to have experienced exactly what you have been through as they are trained and experienced in offering empathetic responses to their clients.

‘I can take medication alone to get better, what difference will talking make’? Research has shown that a combination of talking therapy and medication have the best outcomes for clients struggling with mental health challenges’